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(cont'd #2)
The feeling I get is that you're very eager to publish a quality game, but are insecure about your writing and worried that people won't take it seriously, so have gone overboard with the forced humor. This is very common when starting out with all kinds of writing, from books, to movies, to games. But it just cheapens the whole experience. The result is always something that takes itself just seriously enough to be a bad parody. And those are never fun.
(cont'd #3)
Get rid of all the dumb humor, rewrite all the characters to sound like actual people in an actual world, and give the MC an actual reason to go on an adventure. Take your own creation seriously, and your players will respect you for it, even if it falls short. Make it overly trite an corny if you have to, but don't be afraid to commit to your own world. It might no be Shakespeare at the end, but I guarantee it'll be better than this.
(cont'd #4)
As for the game design, I know this is an early build, so won't comment on the UI, but the big thing you should fix as early as possible is how the player navigates through the world. Just moving around the house-town-lake-frontier scenes is a vertigo-indicuing headache. This is due to 2 reasons...
(cont'd #5)
- The clickable hotspots for navigating between scenes is very inconsistent. Clickable doors are fine, but clicking on the edge of the screen is always a crap shoot. Do I click anywhere along the edge of the screen, just on the corner, just on this one bush? And you can't even see if an area is clickable until you hover over it and squint to see that reeeeally faint highlight. You've turned the simple act of moving between zones into a pixel hunt. Not fun.
(cont'd #6)
2 - The other issue with moving between zones is how the "camera" perspective is completely inconsistent between scenes. As an example, once you step out of your house, you're given a long-shot view of a building on the left, an archway leading to another building in the center, and some greenery off to the right. And you can also click on the bottom edge of the screen. So... where did I just come from? Ironically, the camera position has us leave our house...
(cont'd #7)
...run 50 yards down the road then do a 90-degree turn to the left, so that we're essentially at an equidistant "crossroads" between every destination. This is horribly disorienting, and I spent the first 5 minutes just mapping out a mental image of how each zone is supposed to kinda connect to each other. There's two ways to fix this. The difficult, but more elegant way, is to add another scene connecting the outside of your house to this crossroads area.
(cont'd #8)
So instead of immediately teleporting from your living room to the "crossroads," the player goes living room (click on door) > house exterior (very close to door) > crossroads. The other, much easier, way to solve this is to simply label each clickable navigation hotspot. An arrow pointing left and clearly stating "HOME" near your door. Yeah, it's jarring and breaks the immersion, but no more than a goofy Shrek sound-byte coming from nowhere.
(cont'd #9)
What I would do, in order to preserve the beautiful artwork, is allow the player to determine if they want the labeled hotspots to be visible always/never/when prompted (with Alt or something).
The other big issue is the massive wall of text you dump on the player when entering the explorable areas. I would get rid of all that and incorporate it into small popups that appear on your first outing -- turn it into a proper tutorial.
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